Clarisse was definitely talking about the food, and for several moments afterward she's lost for words. Her ears get all hot and she takes a sip of the coffee, stalling, even though it's gonna burn her mouth.
"Yeah," she says when she feels like she can, "about that."
She puts her mug back down on the tray. She can't hold onto it and say this. She doesn't know what her hands are going to do.
"When you say happens again, do... you just want to be friends who hook up? Or—or like—" Fuck it, right? She's thinking about what she said to Jayce right after Ellie disappeared, about how she just keeps loving people anyway, even if it hurts her.
"I think about you all the time," Clarisse says in a rush. "When you didn't remember me I felt like I was going to throw up every day when I woke up and you weren't there. All I wanted to do was be with you. And I kept thinking that at least I didn't kiss you on Satinalia because if I'd done that it would have made everything even harder, but I don't think it really mattered that I didn't do it, because I still wished I had."
At that point she peters out and has to stop to breathe. This all sounded way better and more coherent in her head while she was walking back up here, for the record.
It feels like, from Clarisse's sudden silence and the way she brings her cup immediately to her mouth, Abby might have said the wrong thing, the pause indicating to her that Clarisse is now figuring out how to duck out from underneath of that proposal. Her palms feel sweaty on her own mug, hot from the coffee and the blood suddenly pumping much quicker in her ears. She feels like a teenager. They're probably just as red as each other.
Clarisse puts her mug down. The pottery clipping against the wood table is so loud. Abby says "Sorry," and it comes out little and stupid, but Clarisse keeps going just to beat her to the point and what she does say makes Abby's jaw drop inelegantly.
She sweeps her hand across her face to tuck her hair; there is no hair that isn't already braided back so it's just a familiar motion, curling her fingers around her ear and letting them linger there while she listens. When she glances over and registers the raw look on Clarisse's face, a shyness she doesn't think she's ever seen before, she doesn't hesitate.
"Me too. I wanted — I tried to ask you," but wimped out, sat around afterwards, thought about it for days. Kept revisiting the entire moment in odd places, playing through alternative versions of it in her head: the one where she got it out and Clarisse kissed her because she wanted to; the one where Clarisse told her she didn't feel the same way, and that they probably shouldn't stay friends. "I got in my head about it, I didn't want to fuck anything up because you're so important to me. And I — really like you."
Hearing Abby say this is a huge weight off her chest. Not just I really like you, even though it's mostly that, but a little bit I got in my head about it too. It makes Clarisse feel a little bit less dumb about how weird she's been making this, when the whole time she didn't have to be.
This time when she breathes in, it feels like she's actually filling her chest with air. She's still—nervous, a little, that butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. But she's happy more than anything. Relieved. Excited. Watching Abby tuck an invisible piece of hair behind her ear makes it feel like something soft is blooming inside her chest.
Abby's still holding onto her coffee, so Clarisse doesn't so much take her hand as just place her own over top of it, letting her thumb curl gently around Abby's wrist. "I really like you too, Abs. I'm sorry," she says. "That I was so stupid after the first time."
Maybe she had a good enough reason to act a little stupid. Maybe. But even after that, she'd said they shouldn't have, that it was a mistake, and she'd made herself hold back instead of doing what she wanted. Wasting time, when they both know that it's so finite.
Clarisse's hand is warm where it tucks in against her skin and Abby breathes out, smiles quick on the exhale, lips twitching up. They touched all the time before any of this, ranging from accidental brushes to intentional shoves, and none of it ever made her feel excited like she does right now. Now Clarisse's touch carries a sort of electricity, something she didn't realise she needed. "Don't be. I was stupid too; I can't believe I walked away from you like that."
Like, looking back on it?? She wouldn't have been surprised to find out now that Clarisse was really offended by that. All she could think about was needing to get away from the situation as fast as possible... she was thinking about herself far too much.
"But after I found out I forgot about you I got kinda freaked out. And I was wondering what the point of holding back even was. You know?"
Clarisse is shaking her head, but she's smiling. She keeps holding onto Abby's wrist, enjoying the way it's warm against her palm. Right, Abby walked away from her first, but Clarisse had been planning her own escape too, and she'd been too relieved by the sudden aloneness to even think about being offended.
"Yeah, I know." She's thinking back to yesterday, how Abby had asked if they could talk and then kissed her instead. They might have had this conversation last night instead, then, if Abby had hesitated a little more. But Clarisse kind of prefers it this way, talking now that the immediate emotional reaction of being forgotten and then remembered again has had time to settle.
"So does this mean," she says, trailing off, a little embarrassed about what she's asking. "Are we..." Dating seems sort of dumb to say, because isn't that what you do to get to know somebody? She already knows Abby. Official seems equally stupid, like they're going to have to go announce their intentions publicly or something.
"Together," she settles on, waving her free hand in a very it's whatever! who cares! way even though it's not whatever and she cares a lot.
So does this mean is the start of a sentence that should cause her dread maybe, or bring around another fresh wave of nervousness but all Abby feels right now is calm, even a little relieved. She's been wondering this herself, what it all means, and once they've got that figured out they can finally relax, stop dancing around each other. Figure out exactly what this is together.
And Clarisse says that word right as she's thinking it, too.
"Um," Abby says, and grins suddenly, wide and pleased. Clarisse's hand on her wrist feels so nice, her fingers brushing gently against the tender skin on the underside of it. "Yeah. I guess we are."
Kinda funny to think that people have said that about them before, that they're always together. Rooming together, working together — being together together seems so adjacent to all of that. She's still smiling at Clarisse and unwilling to take her arm back even though she wants to drink her coffee, right up until she says, "Cool," and flusters, turning her head in the direction of the food. Her face is hot.
Clarisse can't stop grinning. "Cool," she agrees, and gives Abby's wrist a little squeeze before releasing it.
They're both still a little red in the face, self-conscious about their own happiness, but it feels like her stomach untied all its knots as soon as Abby said yeah, and she relaxes into the way she's sitting on the bed, letting her leg knock against Abby's without a second thought. This is good. It feels right. She's really happy.
And now that she's not on the verge of some kind of attack, Clarisse is hungry, too. She reaches for a slice of toast and lifts it to her mouth, but a thought occurs to her before she takes a bite. "Does this mean I get to take you out?"
Yeah, Abby is too. She's grinning into her coffee, reaching for an apple slice and dipping it luxuriously into the little carafe of honey. "Sure."
Take you out. Like on a date, she means — and she didn't think Clarisse was gonna be so smooth about asking her that either, it's a delightful surprise. She's already looking forward to it. Maybe they'll go out and get good food together; maybe they can find a cool place to go for a hike.
With the slice of apple in her mouth she says, "Does this mean you're gonna bring breakfast back up to the room for me all the time, or only on special occasions?"
Because it wouldn't be them if she wasn't getting a dig in at Clarisse, so hopefully she didn't think she was about to get some kind of reprieve.
Good. She wants to do that. And she's not going to subject Abby to flying more than she has to, but she knows some cool places. Now that they have the eluvians, they don't even have to wait for Kirkwall winter to ease up.
Clarisse has just bitten off approximately half of the piece of toast in her hand, but she snorts and nudges Abby with her elbow, pleased. It feels so good to have Abby tease her again, and to shove her in response, without any lingering awkwardness. Just like how it used to be between them, only now there are some extra bonuses.
"Only on days you deserve it." It's not, on the surface, any different from something she might have said to Abby a few months ago, or last year even. But now there's a definite shift in the tone. Sure, as far as flirting goes it's not her best work, but it's been a while.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Yeah," she says when she feels like she can, "about that."
She puts her mug back down on the tray. She can't hold onto it and say this. She doesn't know what her hands are going to do.
"When you say happens again, do... you just want to be friends who hook up? Or—or like—" Fuck it, right? She's thinking about what she said to Jayce right after Ellie disappeared, about how she just keeps loving people anyway, even if it hurts her.
"I think about you all the time," Clarisse says in a rush. "When you didn't remember me I felt like I was going to throw up every day when I woke up and you weren't there. All I wanted to do was be with you. And I kept thinking that at least I didn't kiss you on Satinalia because if I'd done that it would have made everything even harder, but I don't think it really mattered that I didn't do it, because I still wished I had."
At that point she peters out and has to stop to breathe. This all sounded way better and more coherent in her head while she was walking back up here, for the record.
no subject
Clarisse puts her mug down. The pottery clipping against the wood table is so loud. Abby says "Sorry," and it comes out little and stupid, but Clarisse keeps going just to beat her to the point and what she does say makes Abby's jaw drop inelegantly.
She sweeps her hand across her face to tuck her hair; there is no hair that isn't already braided back so it's just a familiar motion, curling her fingers around her ear and letting them linger there while she listens. When she glances over and registers the raw look on Clarisse's face, a shyness she doesn't think she's ever seen before, she doesn't hesitate.
"Me too. I wanted — I tried to ask you," but wimped out, sat around afterwards, thought about it for days. Kept revisiting the entire moment in odd places, playing through alternative versions of it in her head: the one where she got it out and Clarisse kissed her because she wanted to; the one where Clarisse told her she didn't feel the same way, and that they probably shouldn't stay friends. "I got in my head about it, I didn't want to fuck anything up because you're so important to me. And I — really like you."
no subject
This time when she breathes in, it feels like she's actually filling her chest with air. She's still—nervous, a little, that butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. But she's happy more than anything. Relieved. Excited. Watching Abby tuck an invisible piece of hair behind her ear makes it feel like something soft is blooming inside her chest.
Abby's still holding onto her coffee, so Clarisse doesn't so much take her hand as just place her own over top of it, letting her thumb curl gently around Abby's wrist. "I really like you too, Abs. I'm sorry," she says. "That I was so stupid after the first time."
Maybe she had a good enough reason to act a little stupid. Maybe. But even after that, she'd said they shouldn't have, that it was a mistake, and she'd made herself hold back instead of doing what she wanted. Wasting time, when they both know that it's so finite.
no subject
Like, looking back on it?? She wouldn't have been surprised to find out now that Clarisse was really offended by that. All she could think about was needing to get away from the situation as fast as possible... she was thinking about herself far too much.
"But after I found out I forgot about you I got kinda freaked out. And I was wondering what the point of holding back even was. You know?"
no subject
"Yeah, I know." She's thinking back to yesterday, how Abby had asked if they could talk and then kissed her instead. They might have had this conversation last night instead, then, if Abby had hesitated a little more. But Clarisse kind of prefers it this way, talking now that the immediate emotional reaction of being forgotten and then remembered again has had time to settle.
"So does this mean," she says, trailing off, a little embarrassed about what she's asking. "Are we..." Dating seems sort of dumb to say, because isn't that what you do to get to know somebody? She already knows Abby. Official seems equally stupid, like they're going to have to go announce their intentions publicly or something.
"Together," she settles on, waving her free hand in a very it's whatever! who cares! way even though it's not whatever and she cares a lot.
no subject
And Clarisse says that word right as she's thinking it, too.
"Um," Abby says, and grins suddenly, wide and pleased. Clarisse's hand on her wrist feels so nice, her fingers brushing gently against the tender skin on the underside of it. "Yeah. I guess we are."
Kinda funny to think that people have said that about them before, that they're always together. Rooming together, working together — being together together seems so adjacent to all of that. She's still smiling at Clarisse and unwilling to take her arm back even though she wants to drink her coffee, right up until she says, "Cool," and flusters, turning her head in the direction of the food. Her face is hot.
no subject
They're both still a little red in the face, self-conscious about their own happiness, but it feels like her stomach untied all its knots as soon as Abby said yeah, and she relaxes into the way she's sitting on the bed, letting her leg knock against Abby's without a second thought. This is good. It feels right. She's really happy.
And now that she's not on the verge of some kind of attack, Clarisse is hungry, too. She reaches for a slice of toast and lifts it to her mouth, but a thought occurs to her before she takes a bite. "Does this mean I get to take you out?"
Okay, now toast.
no subject
Take you out. Like on a date, she means — and she didn't think Clarisse was gonna be so smooth about asking her that either, it's a delightful surprise. She's already looking forward to it. Maybe they'll go out and get good food together; maybe they can find a cool place to go for a hike.
With the slice of apple in her mouth she says, "Does this mean you're gonna bring breakfast back up to the room for me all the time, or only on special occasions?"
Because it wouldn't be them if she wasn't getting a dig in at Clarisse, so hopefully she didn't think she was about to get some kind of reprieve.
no subject
Clarisse has just bitten off approximately half of the piece of toast in her hand, but she snorts and nudges Abby with her elbow, pleased. It feels so good to have Abby tease her again, and to shove her in response, without any lingering awkwardness. Just like how it used to be between them, only now there are some extra bonuses.
"Only on days you deserve it." It's not, on the surface, any different from something she might have said to Abby a few months ago, or last year even. But now there's a definite shift in the tone. Sure, as far as flirting goes it's not her best work, but it's been a while.