That maybe rifters are not here by chance or to save us all, but you're here because it is what you need. Do you feel that? That it is better you are here, I mean. For you.
I've only been thinking about it. Now and then, with our new arrivals... I had always thought it was more like we were something horrible happening to all of you. Interrupting your lives.
If I hadn't come through the rift I dunno what would have happened to me. (When she thinks of herself in the boat with Lev and how ruined they both were, it's hard to imagine a happy ending.)
From what I have heard, a lot of people believe you are still there. Or who you were is still there. And the you who is here is a copy of the idea of you, stolen from your dreams. I don't know if they're right, but—where do you think she is? The person you were.
(She's quiet for a while. It's not like she hasn't heard this theory before — she actually prefers it to thinking she was whisked away from her world entirely, leaving nothing of herself behind — but it's still uncomfortable to think about. When Ellie went back, did she take the place of the other Ellie? How does that work?
Finally she says,) I know where I hope she is.
Lev and I were trying to make it to Santa Catalina by boat, but... we were really injured.
My friend. (Friend doesn't feel like the right word for Lev but Abby can't think of a better one. Some relationships can't be boiled down into a single word.)
or all of this is related, really, but now on multiple fronts— ]
I talked to Ellie, not long before she... It wasn't my place, but I asked her about what Madame de Foncé has theorized. That removing your anchors might keep you here permanently. She said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. She said she did not want to borrow grief from the future.
I would not give up my arm, either, if I could believe I might have years to figure something else out. There has to be some other way.
(It's just that it's... oddly profound. And every time this happens, every time she hears something about Ellie from somebody who was removed from the two of them — Abby-and-Ellie, all their collective, combined bullshit — it fleshes her out a little more and makes her whole.
It's still weird to realise she misses her. Abby doesn't think it ever won't be, but she's becoming more and more okay with that each day.)
You already know how I feel about Wysteria's crazy theories. (Everybody does. That fight was in public,) We'll just have to find something else. (A cure. Ha.)
[ He thinks: they need to actually do it. Fast. And fast still might not be fast enough, because Abby could disappear tomorrow. Abby could disappear today, in the middle of his conversation, a kind of death because there's no guarantee that who and what she has become in this world will exist in any other, and— ]
I would miss you.
[ It's what he wished he'd said to Ellie. Even if it wouldn't have changed anything. ]
But alright. [ Out of his hands. New topic. ] Is there anything you wanted to do in your own world that you never had a chance to?
(There isn't really time to react out loud to that before the new topic comes along — Abby's expression shifts into surprise and she looks at him side on, seeing if he meant it. She can't think of why he wouldn't. I'd miss you too, she thinks, and remembers walking into a cold, wet room, finding two bodies lying still on the floor.)
I'd miss you too. (Okay.
Now new topic.) Um — yeah, actually. (Abby decides she can tell him this because he has seen her in a feathery hat.) I've always wanted to try playing a piano. It's not like they didn't exist in my world but I never found one that was actually in tune.
[ Any suspicion he may harbor that she's intentionally giving him the sort of wish she must know he would be able to grant—that's fine. Overshadowed by delight. (And a bit of relief that she didn't take the opportunity to leave him hanging, missing-wise.) ]
We can do that! Let's do that. Byerly is in good with most of the local theaters—he plays sometimes when they're missing a violinist—and some of them have pianos. He can get us in when it's empty, and if you only want to be left alone to play around with it without anyone to listening to you, I will make him go outside with me and we will not eavesdrop at all.
Yeah? (She's getting infected by his excitement, smiling now.) Um, okay. You guys don't have to leave if you don't want to but it's not like I know how to play anything, so...
(It will be boring. But maybe she could learn how to play, and then somehow figure out how to play some of the pieces she misses from home. Abby likes the sound of that.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crystal.
[ Months ago. ]
That maybe rifters are not here by chance or to save us all, but you're here because it is what you need. Do you feel that? That it is better you are here, I mean. For you.
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How come?
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[ Obviously. But it's meant more as an invitation to elaborate on bad place without making her refuse a direct question. ]
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If I hadn't come through the rift I dunno what would have happened to me. (When she thinks of herself in the boat with Lev and how ruined they both were, it's hard to imagine a happy ending.)
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Finally she says,) I know where I hope she is.
Lev and I were trying to make it to Santa Catalina by boat, but... we were really injured.
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[ Only one of two names he doesn't recognize, but he can tell Santa Catalina is a place, which seems the main relevant detail. ]
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All we had left was each other.
I miss him so much.
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He'd like it here. He'd be in Scouting.
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[ Relatedly—
or all of this is related, really, but now on multiple fronts— ]
I talked to Ellie, not long before she... It wasn't my place, but I asked her about what Madame de Foncé has theorized. That removing your anchors might keep you here permanently. She said we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. She said she did not want to borrow grief from the future.
I would not give up my arm, either, if I could believe I might have years to figure something else out. There has to be some other way.
no subject
(It's just that it's... oddly profound. And every time this happens, every time she hears something about Ellie from somebody who was removed from the two of them — Abby-and-Ellie, all their collective, combined bullshit — it fleshes her out a little more and makes her whole.
It's still weird to realise she misses her. Abby doesn't think it ever won't be, but she's becoming more and more okay with that each day.)
You already know how I feel about Wysteria's crazy theories. (Everybody does. That fight was in public,) We'll just have to find something else. (A cure. Ha.)
no subject
[ He thinks: they need to actually do it. Fast. And fast still might not be fast enough, because Abby could disappear tomorrow. Abby could disappear today, in the middle of his conversation, a kind of death because there's no guarantee that who and what she has become in this world will exist in any other, and— ]
I would miss you.
[ It's what he wished he'd said to Ellie. Even if it wouldn't have changed anything. ]
But alright. [ Out of his hands. New topic. ] Is there anything you wanted to do in your own world that you never had a chance to?
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I'd miss you too. (Okay.
Now new topic.) Um — yeah, actually. (Abby decides she can tell him this because he has seen her in a feathery hat.) I've always wanted to try playing a piano. It's not like they didn't exist in my world but I never found one that was actually in tune.
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[ Any suspicion he may harbor that she's intentionally giving him the sort of wish she must know he would be able to grant—that's fine. Overshadowed by delight. (And a bit of relief that she didn't take the opportunity to leave him hanging, missing-wise.) ]
We can do that! Let's do that. Byerly is in good with most of the local theaters—he plays sometimes when they're missing a violinist—and some of them have pianos. He can get us in when it's empty, and if you only want to be left alone to play around with it without anyone to listening to you, I will make him go outside with me and we will not eavesdrop at all.
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(It will be boring. But maybe she could learn how to play, and then somehow figure out how to play some of the pieces she misses from home. Abby likes the sound of that.)