Abby takes a seat. There's a dark brown wool cap on her head that covers her ears, leaving her braid to trail out the bottom of it, marking out the length of her spine. She's glad to have it. There's some wind chill today, and cold air makes her ears hurt after a while.
She scuffs at the courtyard with her boot, dull earth breaking up underneath of it. "Came down to talk to you, didn't I? What's going on?"
"I'll be leaving to head north soon," is Ellis' chosen approach. "I mean to search the Hunterhorn mountains for Wardens."
This is not a small task. The Hunterhorns are vast. There's a reason Ellis had once told Tony it was where he would have hidden, if his exit from Weisshaupt was messy and indelicate.
"The Commander has given me leave to bring a few others, as I see fit, in case of trouble."
And therein lay the offer: he is not talking to her of this venture for no reason.
Abby has always found Ellis to be very deliberate in both action and word; she's come to the same conclusion before he gets to the point, her attention pivoting toward him.
"Hunterhorn mountains," she echoes. Rings a bell. She's looked over maps of Thedas before, never obsessively, but enough to recognise the name. They must be big. No wonder he wants a few people along with him.
There are a lot of questions that need asking, and Abby will start with the biggest. "What are you doing with the Wardens when you find them?"
Abby makes a face without thinking (because that 'correct' word hits a little too close), and rubs at the back of her neck with her fingers, redistributing the warmth.
Well now she has to say yes. She was gonna say yes, but now she feels guilty and shitty on top of it, like she owes him.
"Yeah," she says. "I- yeah, okay. When are you heading out? Who else is coming?"
If anybody on this list bothers Abby, she doesn't hint at it. "Okay." What's actually getting to her: "We're going by griffon, aren't we."
There's no way they'd get horses up the side of the cliff without putting them at risk of broken leg. It's griffons, or walking; the later would take a ridiculous amount of time.
"You can ride with me, if it eases the discomfort."
That she isn't arguing her way around it is noted, appreciated. There is no other way, really. The Hunterhorns are vast. They aren't easily traveled. It's a good choice of hiding spot for those reasons.
What else is there to do? She's the only one in that group, to her knowledge, that has an issue with flying. If she protests he'll just drop her. From the mission, that is, not off the back of a griffon or anything. (Unless...)
She'd have suggested she ride with either him or Ellie anyways, they've both borne witness to her melting down about it once before. Makes the embarrassment somewhat bearable.
"It will. Thanks." Not like she wants to be a liability, so. "I'm working on it."
Huh. Abby looks at him now, considering. "A blindfold?"
Would that make it... worse? Better? Most of the panic comes from seeing the steep drop-off so maybe she really could trick herself into thinking she weren't so high up? But blinding herself intentionally feels insane.
"Someone back home always told me to think about the good parts to fear whenever I started get scared. How it- gives you adrenaline, makes you focus better, shit like that. He said I should try think about how my body is just getting ready to protect me from whatever's coming next."
"We can practice, if you like. Until we are certain of what works."
Because it is all guesswork, isn't it? All the possible approaches in the world will work for one person or another, but what works for Abby won't be guessed at. They'd have to test, as much as she cared to attempt.
Whether or not she attempted those tests with Ellis was no matter. Not to him. It mattered that she found a way forward that made griffonback tolerable.
Abby has a feeling that she will only ever get this to work so much, but... well, may as well try, right. After a moment's hesitation, she nods slowly.
"Yeah. Okay.
With you?" That would be acceptable. She could withstand that.
Because yes, Ellis understands inherently the temptation to wriggle out of an event tied to that kind of visceral fear. Better not to leave it overlong; the nature of Riftwatch's work tends to provide many valid excuses to put a thing off.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i'll allow it
She scuffs at the courtyard with her boot, dull earth breaking up underneath of it. "Came down to talk to you, didn't I? What's going on?"
so generous.
This is not a small task. The Hunterhorns are vast. There's a reason Ellis had once told Tony it was where he would have hidden, if his exit from Weisshaupt was messy and indelicate.
"The Commander has given me leave to bring a few others, as I see fit, in case of trouble."
And therein lay the offer: he is not talking to her of this venture for no reason.
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"Hunterhorn mountains," she echoes. Rings a bell. She's looked over maps of Thedas before, never obsessively, but enough to recognise the name. They must be big. No wonder he wants a few people along with him.
There are a lot of questions that need asking, and Abby will start with the biggest. "What are you doing with the Wardens when you find them?"
In case of trouble. She thinks she can guess...
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"I should like to know that they are well," is less complicated than, "And what form their opposition to Corypheus may take."
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And he has brought members of Riftwatch for a reason. There is a chance he will not be so welcome. That he has not been forgiven.
"I am asking because I think you understand the importance of..."
A pause, uncertain of the correct word.
"Of discretion."
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Well now she has to say yes. She was gonna say yes, but now she feels guilty and shitty on top of it, like she owes him.
"Yeah," she says. "I- yeah, okay. When are you heading out? Who else is coming?"
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Traveling by griffon doesn't entirely offset the misery of camping in a snowstorm, or worse, trying to fly through it.
"I've spoken to Stephen Strange, Marcus Rowntree, Vanya Orlov and Ellie. They'll come with us."
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There's no way they'd get horses up the side of the cliff without putting them at risk of broken leg. It's griffons, or walking; the later would take a ridiculous amount of time.
Sigh...
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Very mildly apologetic.
"You can ride with me, if it eases the discomfort."
That she isn't arguing her way around it is noted, appreciated. There is no other way, really. The Hunterhorns are vast. They aren't easily traveled. It's a good choice of hiding spot for those reasons.
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She'd have suggested she ride with either him or Ellie anyways, they've both borne witness to her melting down about it once before. Makes the embarrassment somewhat bearable.
"It will. Thanks." Not like she wants to be a liability, so. "I'm working on it."
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And it is her prerogative, to decline. There is some seeking element to the way he looks at her, waiting for that withdrawal. When it doesn't come—
"I knew a man who wore a blindfold, when we had to cross any crevasse together. He swore by it, and he had the rest of us to guide him."
Just saying.
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Would that make it... worse? Better? Most of the panic comes from seeing the steep drop-off so maybe she really could trick herself into thinking she weren't so high up? But blinding herself intentionally feels insane.
"Someone back home always told me to think about the good parts to fear whenever I started get scared. How it- gives you adrenaline, makes you focus better, shit like that. He said I should try think about how my body is just getting ready to protect me from whatever's coming next."
A pause. "It kinda works."
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Because it is all guesswork, isn't it? All the possible approaches in the world will work for one person or another, but what works for Abby won't be guessed at. They'd have to test, as much as she cared to attempt.
Whether or not she attempted those tests with Ellis was no matter. Not to him. It mattered that she found a way forward that made griffonback tolerable.
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"Yeah. Okay.
With you?" That would be acceptable. She could withstand that.
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And because Ellis understands the inherent vulnerability in this exercise—
"We can travel outside Kirkwall. Find an empty field."
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Abby nods, adding, "This week?" Because if it's any later, she will try to wuss out, maybe pad her schedule so she can avoid the entire thing.
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Because yes, Ellis understands inherently the temptation to wriggle out of an event tied to that kind of visceral fear. Better not to leave it overlong; the nature of Riftwatch's work tends to provide many valid excuses to put a thing off.