"Nothing vital," Ellie answers, her voice tight as Abby wipes away the blood. It's good to have something else to focus on, so she doesn't have to fucking think about the fact that it's Abby sewing her up.

She mostly manages to get past it. To see Abby as a person, an ally, a fellow member of Riftwatch, rather than an entity that still rocks in and fucks up her nightmares.

It's so much easier not to think about it, but it still clamors to be heard.

Ellie drowns it out. She's coming to realize that all of these feelings can exist and all be true at the same time, but it's still difficult to reconcile.

"I didn't bleed out, but it still fucked me up pretty good. I don't..."

She trails off, realizing, and not for the first time, how truly insane those days in Santa Barbara were. How un-fucking-hinged she had to be to do everything she'd done. To keep on going while she was that hurt.

She wonders if letting Abby this close makes her more bonkers or less.

"I probably shouldn't have survived it."